Well said.....

Last night on Grey's Anatomy, my favorite show, one of the character's said, "If you are tired of crappy things happening to you, stop letting people crap on you and demand better"...or something to that affect anyway. I thought that was an excellent quote. No real point to posting that I just liked it, and thought it applied to my life.

In other news, I did not brave the crowds and attend the St. Louis Mardi Gras celebration. I heard it was a hit, I decided to stay in this weekend and *gasp* NOT drink!!! Amazing I know since lately the highlight of my week has been based on getting drunk on Saturday night. Not all that fun lately. Plus I am tired of feeling like shit on Sunday! So this was my first "non-alcoholic" weekend in quite some time and I actually enjoyed it. I will be staying in a little more for a while. I am moving on the 15th of this month so I will have my OWN place after living with my parents for about a year!! That means I will be able to just sit and watch TV or whatever and not feel like I have got to get the hell out of the house. Nothing like having our own space. That paired with the fact that I will be paying rent again, and not have too much extra cash to go blow at the club/bar. And that is really fine with me.

My how time flies!

Next month will be a whole year that I have been writing this here blog! Amazing. To me at least. I never thought I would keep this up. I'm glad I have it's been a great place for me to get shit off my chest! Still it doesn't seem like a whole year! My, my, where does the time go? Anywhoo, thinking about going to the Soulard Mardi Gras in St. Louis tomorrow. I went last year but didn't stay very long. This year it is said to be EVEN bigger. I want to go, but not sure if I'm up for it. Tons and tons of people to get on my nerves, trying to find somewhere to park, and then trying to remember where the hell you parked by the end of the night.....Good things would be, Hurricanes, mmmmmm!! Beads!!! I have no idea the meaning of beads and Mardi Gras, or how they came about but it sure is fun catching them!! I don't know. If I go I will be sure to take pics and post them Monday!! Have a great weekend!!

You really can't make this shit up......

My life. Full of twists and turns I would never have imagined. Something crazy is always happening to me. So over the last few months, I have noticed every once in a while my lip will swell a little. It has happened maybe 4 times, once on Christmas at my Granny's which I figured I must have nibbled on something that didn't agree with my skin. But the other 3 times it always happens when I am at my cousin Jamie's. I don't know why. We are never eating or doing the same thing, but it was sort of a joke every time it happened that I was allergic to her house. Now it never got very bad, and it always went away by itself withina half hour of so, so I figured I was just having a mild reaction to something I was allergic to, although I had no clue what it was. So last night I go over there to highlight her hair, we have dinner, nothing I haven't eaten before, and I feel my lip started to swell. I laugh that it's happening again, and begin highlighting her hair. A few minuets later my lip is way bigger than it has ever been. We are laughing, saying I looked like "Hitch". I keep going and Jamie says, your lip is really big. I looked in the mirror and HOLY. SHIT. It was huge!! I started freaking out! Got some ice, still getting bigger. I decide to go to the ER, but then change my mind cuz it looked horrible and I didn't want anyone to see me like that!! So I take 2 Benedryl and decide to wait and see if it helps. Nope, still bigger, and now I'm itching EVERYWHERE!!! I say fuck it and grab a wash towel to hold over my lip while I walk in the ER. I sit there for like 2 hours, by this time my lip has gone down by about half but is still pretty big. I try and "unregister" with the nurse she tells me it shouldn't be much longer and I really should stay. So a few mins. later they call me back. I get a shot in my ass, and a few pills to take and the itching stops and I feel better. They sent me home with some prescriptions, including one for a steriod to take for 5 days! And one for an Epi-Pen, an injection to use incase it happens again and my tongue swells and I can't breathe!! Fortunately I have dealth with allergies before, my son has an Epi-Pen due to a severe peanut allergy, along with some other allergies he has. I had no idea you could suddenly become allergic to something that never bothered you before at any time in your life. Crazy! Still don't know what it was that caused it, the doctor said it's nearly impossible to tell. So this could happen again. Oh, and when I was leaving Jamie's house to go to the ER, she stops me, and asks as she is still laughing her ass off, "can I take a picture"? "This will be funny later".....so I let her, when she gets them developed I may post it for all to see. I was telling her yeah, they first picture I post of myself and I look like a freak!! We shall see!!!

Where the hell is Friday?!?!

I am having the day FROM. HELL. It started out bad. I have not been able to sleep in about 3 days. I lay down, but never fully fall asleep. I toss and turn and toss and turn all damn night. Well it has caught up with me. Today I woke up, if you can call it that, more like finally gave up on trying to sleep and got out of bed. I am so sleepy, my mind isn't working right. I feel "cloudy". If that makes any sense. I am in a BAD mood! I want to snap on everyone!!! I get to work and our something is wrong with the program we use, it won't print the reports I need and crap. Left a message for our computer dept. but no one has gotten back with me yet. So since we couldn't print the balance for last night I had to get it sent over this morning from another office. And it was all fucked up!! It took me forever to figure it out and make it balance. Then the phone keeps ringing!!! I am usually not like this. Since I work the front office I am the one to greet clients, and answer the phone but today I have been ready to cuss somebody out every time they walk up to my window or call! This is not good. Every little thing that doesn't usually bother me is about to make me jump out the window. Even the fact that they are painting the upstairs bathroom here at work so I have to walk down stairs to use the bathroom! No big deal right? Except today I'm like son of a bitch!! Needless to say I haven't peed all day! Ok, I'm done bitching, I'm calling my doctor.

Tuesday

Well this is actually my "Monday", I was out sick yesterday, and today, there is soooo much to catch up work to do! I will have to get back to that soon. But first, a rundown of the weekend. So my Friday was messed up due to the news I got. I knew whatever the outcome of that situation, it wasn't going to be a good one, I wasn't looking forward to it. So I was a little down. Ended up going out with C and my sister Friday night for a "few" drinks. That turned into getting home at 5am. Had a good time though. I got up about 11am Saturday, did a little cleaning and mostly sat around the house all day. About 10pm I was debating whether or not I wanted to go out. I was sleepy still from the night before but I still wanted to do something. So my cousin calls about 11:30 and asks if I want to go out for a "few" hours with her. I said sure why not. So that few hours turned into 3 clubs and getting home at 5am AGAIN!!! Sunday I decide that rather than sleep I am going to get up at 11:30 and go to bingo! Yeah, I didn't win, and I didn't get any sleep. So by Monday morning I was feeling like C-R-A-P!!! I couldn't get out of bed, I was nauseated, and ended up calling in sick to work! But the weekend was packed full of excitement from catching someone's boyfriend getting some oral action in the parking lot of the bowling alley, to getting hit on by a lesbian! That was actually my first time ever getting hit on by a woman! It was crazy! I have nothing against lesbians, just isn't my thing, right now anyway, who knows what the future may bring!! :-) So this was a pretty exciting weekend.....to say the least.

What now?!

Well a while back I posted the story of my son's father and him being in jail, accused of murder. I opened the paper this morning to see an article that he had took a plea bargin and plead guilty, in exchange for 2 lesser charges being dropped. His sentence, 20 years. With credit for the almost 2 years he has served awaiting trial. So his only child will be 26 years old before he is released. I am feeling so many different things right now. Not really feeling sorry for T, he made his choices, he has to deal with the consequences. Sad for my son, who will never get to have a relationship with his father. I am thankful he didn't get the death penalty, so I won't have to tell my son his father is going to die. But when thinking about the victim's family, how are they going to feel about the 20 year sentence? If it were my loved one, I don't think I would be happy. So I'm torn on how to feel. I know I feel like shit right now. Even having to deal with this kind of situation is fucked up, for lack of a better way to put it. My thoughts are just everywhere today.....

Birthday Pics!!

My son's 7th birthday was Sun, the 12th. We celebrated at Chuck E Cheese!!!

Partying with everyone's favorite rat, Chuck E. himself!!!



Kloe, L & J hiding from the camera....chickens...




Baby Mya




The 3 Amigos..




Before Gigi and Jamie got him to smash his face in the cake for $4!!!




AFTER....

My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lump....

Why do I always think in song when trying to come up with a title.....I have no freaking idea, but it happens, everytime. This time I was thinking of it being Hump Day, and those words came to mind, so, there ya go! Nothing exciting going on. B, came by last night with a bouquet of flowers and one of those HUGE cards. It was a nice gesture. I still ain't going back. And as the days go by the urge to go back fades a little. Now when the weekend comes and I want to get a little ya know what, my urges may be a little stronger. But here's to hoping I can make it thru the weekend. We'll see Monday huh?!! And I got a "Happy Valentine's Day" call from just about every ex-boyfriend and/or "booty call guy" I have had in the last 3 years. So that was about 5 calls if you count the one I got today from an ex I haven't talked to in about 8 or 9 months! He called my work phone, and he has a very recognizable voice so I immidately said "OMG"! Not that I was oh so excited to hear from him, but it was weird that just last week I mentioned I hadn't heard from him in a while, to a friend, and said "I wonder if he's still alive". Because being the liar/bullshitter that he is ( one of the reasons we broke up in the first place) - the last time he called he told me he was dying, to which I responded, "That sucks". Because 1) I didn't really believe him, and 2) What do you say to someone who calls out of the blue and says shit like that!! Anyway he didn't say much but he would like to see me sometime, uh yea probably not going happen! But whatever......

As I was typing this I got a call from the realty place where I applied for the apartment and I got it! I am so excited!! But I can't move in until March 15 because the apartment is being rehabed! Good that everything will be new, bad that I have a whole 'nother month to wait and I have to pay my storage bill for March and I will only be there half the month but they will not pro-rate it and give me any of the rent for the month back. Bummer. Oh well. And since the special the apartment place is running is for the first month rent free and I'm moving in the middle of the month I will pay 1/2 the months rent in March and then my April rent will be FREE!! Cool. I am so excited right now. I am so ready to move. I have packed my room at my mom's up mostly except the stuff we need everyday. So I am ready to go!!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Ha ha, good one huh!! Valentine's Day SUCKS!! I have never had a good Valentine's day. Not with a boyfriend anyway. But this year, I have realized that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be only about love between boyfriend/girlfriends or husband/wife, it is about letting everyone in your life know you love them. So I have wished all of my friends and family a Happy Valentine's Day, we don't let the people we care about know we love them enough anyway! Right?! I'm going to enjoy this day even if I don't have a "man" to celebrate with! I woke my son up this morning with a valentine's monkey, lots of candy and a card! He's the "man" I love most in this world anyway!! I even let him eat some of the candy before breakfast! Yeah I am the best mom EVER!! At least to him, and that's all that matters!

Monday Madness

Well this week started off on the wrong foot. I totally did not hear my alarm this morning. I woke up at 9:10am, which is 10 mins after I am supossed to be at work!! My son was late for school, I was an hour and a half late for work. Not a good start. Yesterday was my son's 7th birthday! We went to Chuck E Cheese where I spent about $80 for 2 pizzas, 8 sodas, and some tokens! After the kids spent up all their tokens on the games, they cashed in their tickets and got their prizes which combined probably cost about $5!!! That place is making a killing!!! But he had a good time, so there ya go.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, I didn't really do much. I called it off with B Saturday. I was pretty mad when I did it so that made it easier to actually say the words, but after that, it has been a struggle to not go running back. I know that he isn't right for me, and I know all the reasons I should stay away. But I really fell in love with this guy, even though I didn't plan to. So I miss him terribly. We decided to remain friends and still talk so I have talked to him a few times this weekend but it's not the same. I know it just takes time and this will get easier, but right now it just sucks. Add to that the fact that I've got a bad case of PMS, and it has not been good. I am about to cry like every 10 mins, and for no real reason. Just feeling sad and sorry for myself.

I still haven't heard from the people about the apartment I am trying to get. They didn call my job Friday to verify employment and also called one of my referrences, so hopefully I will hear something by the end of today! I really need that place. I am so ready to move. I need to get back into my own place. I need space!!

Weekend Happenings......

Well this was a nice weekend. Friday I took my son shopping for some new school uniforms, not fun for him but I bought him some YuGiOh cards and a new game for his GameCube so he was happy. Then I stopped and visited with my friend L for a while. Saturday morning I talked L into going to the nail shop and getting her nails done, she has been wanting them anyway and I needed mine filled and didn't want to go alone. So we go do that and then have lunch it was nice. After that I took my son, and his friend to the St. Louis Science Center. We had a good time and they had an awesome Titanic exhibit, that had artifacts that were retrieved from the Titanic. As you walked through the tour, some parts were built to look like the Titanic did. One of my favorite parts was walking through the "Grand Staircase" section. It was amazing how beautifully built this ship was. It really was moving for me looking at the personal belongings of all these people who lost their lives. The boys who are 6 and 7 years old thought it was really cool at first, when we were waiting in line we were given boarding passes each with a name of an actual passenger on the ship. It told how old the person was, what they did for a living, if they were in 1st, 2nd or 3rd class, where they were traveling from, and who they were with. I read them their passes and they thought it was neat. When we first started through they looked at the items and I read the captions that were along side each item. Erik, my son's friend didn't know until then that the Titanic really happened so he was amazed. It got a little crowded along the way and we had to wait in some spots, then they started getting antsy. Or as they told me BORED!!! They said this stinks I thought we were going on a real boat! But once we got moving again and came to a part that had actual pieces of the ship, and a large iceberg they could touch they regained interest. At the end they had a wall with all of the survivors names along with the names of those who died. We all found the names "we" were on our boarding passes to see if we lived or not. Two of us did, one of us didn't. They still enjoyed it and I felt good knowing that at least they learned a little bit about something historic. So I did a good mommy deed!

Then I dropped the boys off and it was time to party!! We went out and played some darts, then C and I went to Pops! A place where you see SO many different kinds of people in one place! It goes from hoosier, to ghetto, to international and everything in between! It's always fun and since it's the place people go when all the other bars close it is always packed. It's where I met the Jamaican guy a few months back. Well this time C was checking out these really cute guys playing pool. We were placing bets on what country they were from since we are always meeting people from other countries, which is really cool. Anyway, I said Trinidad, which was a good guess I thought cuz they looked Caribbean to me. Well we finally talk to them and they are from Egypt so I lost but whatever. C got one's number, Abdul. He lives and works in St. Louis. So that was cool. I met a guy with the same name as my son's father! I told him I wouldn't hold that against him....we talked for a few hours at the bar, exchanged numbers and stuff. I have talked to him a few times since then. Seems like a nice guy, we will see I guess. He's 4 years younger than me! Yikes I don't usually date younger men, but hell the older ones are full of shit so maybe younger may be better. Plus I already got the scoop, no kids, has a job and a car! That right there is just hard to come by these days.....

It's everyone's favorite day......

FRIDAY! Man, am I glad this day is here. Not only do I get the next 2 days off, I am going to look at an apartment at 4:30! Hopefully things will be ok with it. The rent is something I can afford, plus it has washer/dryer hook-ups, 2 bedrooms, and a storage unit outside. Plus they pay all utilities except electric which is awesome!!! Down side is my parents and grandma keep telling me "oh, that's a rough area", my grandparents listen to their police scanner and she said the police are called there alot. I have never heard of anything seriously dangerous happening there. I just said well I plan on being in my apartment not out trying to kick it with the neighbors. So we'll see today how the neighbors act. Anyway it can't be any worse than the rest of this town! We don't exactly live in a great area, but it isn't too bad either. I only plan on staying here until I am ready to buy a house, in another city. Which should be a few years.

Anyway, B called me at work last night and said to meet him at this hotel down the road from my job. I was like ok, so I get there, call him and he tells me take the elevator to the third floor I'll be waiting for you. I get up there and walk in the room and he has candles lit, and a bear with a rose on the bed for me. It was nice. We went to dinner and then went back for some "dessert". It was really a nice surprise. He would be the perfect "boyfriend" if he didn't have a GIRLFRIEND that he lives with. He keeps telling me, I'm getting out of that situation, I need time, blah blah blah. I don't really believe him, I have tried to end it with him several times but every time he comes back with gifts, and who can turn down gifts. He came over the other day with new tennis shoes for both me and my son. He has given me two rings, he is always giving me money, bringing me roses, and all the sweet stuff you want a man to do. So I keep playing the game. Bad part is I really have fallen for this guy. I mean I care for him alot, but I also know I can still walk away. I've never been very good at relationships anyway. I have this "I always want what I can't have" thing going on. So if he really did leave the situation he is in, I wouldn't want to be with him anymore. This has happened many times. With the exception of my son's father, I have not stayed in a relationship with the same person for more than 6 months. That seems to be my limit. And B and I are reaching the 6 month mark soon. I dated this guy (IM) a few years ago, he was the first real relationship I had gotten into since my son's father. I fell for him hard! I was totally in love with this man. We had a good relationship for the first few months, then I told him I was going back to my son's dad. He didn't take that very well, I was an idiot for doing it, and of course me and T didn't last AGAIN! I kept thinking about IM, so I finally left T for good. IM and I still kept in touch while I went thru my relaspe with T. But after T was gone I kept wanting to be with IM so bad but he was still hurt by what I had done. Once he did come back I realized he wasn't all that great either, it was just the fact that I thought I couldn't have what I wanted.....we didn't last long but we remained friends for a while. I guess when I finally meet the right person, these feelings will go away. Hopefully....