Bored, bored, bored

Today is so slow at work. I am so ready to go home and it isn't even lunch time yet. I am ready for this long weekend coming up. We are going camping. Which mean we are going to sit outside and drink beer instead of inside. No, really we will probably do more than that, it should be a good time. And I have 4 days off this weekend!!! Wooooo Whoooo! I am jumping for joy! Oh, if only it were 40 days off instead. But if Steph or I win the lotto tonight, I may be off FOREVER!! I would be one of those assholes who just never shows back up to work! Screw 'em! I'm rich now! Oh, we can dream. In other news the highlight of my drive to work this morning was when I happen to glance over and saw 2 dogs going at it! I just started laughing, not what I expected to see this morning. Oh boy. Not much else going on today.......

Angry, bitter, all of the above?

My job is an interesting one. I work at an agency that deals with clients who have been charged with domestic violence and are mandated by the court to attend a year long program which our agency provides in order to get the charges dismissed. One catch, they also have to PAY for the services. Oh the horror! This is a rather new idea to most of these clients who don't understand why in the world they should have to pay for services they receive. It should just be given to them right? I mean it is our fault they beat up there "baby momma" right? After 3 years of dealing with these clients I have really reached my limit. In the beginning I was calm, responding to the yelling and arguing in a professional manner. As the years go on I find myself getting "ghetto" right back with these guys! Case in point: The other day I am sitting at my desk and in comes a man with his girlfriend (the victim) and he starts banging over and over on the poor little bell I have at the front window. I open the window and he says "yeah I need to see someone", my response "oh yeah well who do you need to see"? We also provide other mental health services in our office and even though I knew what he was here for I needed him to tell me. He ended up being very rude the entire time, and his girlfriend filled out all his paperwork for him. That really gets me! And he sent her to the window to ask all his questions. Errrr! I wanted to say get off your ass and take responsibility for you own actions! First you beat the girl up, she calls the cops, you go to jail, she most likely bonds you out, then brings up here, fills out the paperwork, and will most likely be paying for the groups since you marked "unemployed" on your intake sheet. I would like to say that this is a unique case, but unfortunatly this is the norm. Most of the men here live off the women they are with. Working here, paired with my exeriences with men in the past have made me the man hater I am today! I would love love LOVE to find a man good enough to change this impression I have of the male species. Until then I will remain, Crystal - Hater of Men! I have not yet hit the point where I say fuck it I'm going gay, although I have threatened it several times. It's not totally out of the question at this point.

Yet another joke......

City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam"
Name:_______________________________
Gang:___________________________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses
6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by
shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt
before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to
Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram.
What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he
doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for
each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so
Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?
4. Jarone want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20%
more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and
$100 for a 4X4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how many
Chevies will he have to steal to make $800?

"6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000
for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per
month, how much money will be left when he gets out of
prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch
that spent his money?
7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the
average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a
tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27
girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the
gang has Hector knocked up?
9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50
per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child.
If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more
children should she have to keep up with her expenses?
10. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack and his bail
was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and
returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping
bail?

Joke of the Day

Someone emailed me this just now.....


An elephant asks a camel: "Why are your breasts on your back?"


Well" says the camel, "I think thats a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face"

Payback is a motha......

So Thursday evening Gloria, Chrissy, and I were just going for a nice drive and decided to stop at Sonic to grab some slushes. Ok, so we get to the drive up and I need to pee so I get out of the car to run to the bathroom while they are in the drive thru. So I come out after doing my business and I don't see the car. I walk back to the drive thru line and still don't see them. Now I'm thinking I know the line couldn't of moved that fast but maybe just maybe it did so I walk around the building to the other side to see if they were up at the window already. NOPE! Not there either. Now I realize these little bitches have decided to play a jokey joke and leave my ass! So I look around to see if the just parked a little ways down, nope still don't see them. I was now officially PISSED! I can not believe they left me, I knew they would be back but still I look like a freaking idiot out here. Plus I left my purse in the car so I had no money, no phone, no nothing! So I sit my ass on one of the pinic tables and wait. And wait and wait. Finally these little bitches come back just cracking up! They had been sitting across the street at the back of the bank parking lot just watching me look for them and laughing their little asses off! Yeah, I just hope they remember that payback is a bitch and I WILL get them back! Although, I know if I were not the butt of this joke I would have been laughing my ass off too. Still, I am the joke player, not the playee!!! Watch your backs bitches!

Boo Whooo....

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't really been feeling my happy go lucky self lately. I feel down. Don't know why I just do. Seems to have something to do with work I think. I dislike my job VERY much, I know, I know y0u guys have heard this a million times before, but I REALLY do not like it! I'm ready for a vacation. I am taking a week off in July, but I doubt I go anywhere exciting. Maybe just maybe I will go somewhere far far away. Who knows. I would so love to go to Florida. Seeing as I've never in my 26 years seen the ocean! Yeah, that is sad isn't it! I know, I'm a loser. Anyway, not much has been happening lately. Same ole thing. Can't wait for the weekend, even though I will only do the same thing I do every weekend, and it's not taking over the world pinky! Flash back there to Pinky and the Brain......oh. So anyway this Friday is payday and pedicure night. I can't wait for that. Me, Gigi, and Chrissy will go get our spa pedicures and talk about everyone that is in the shop. Our favorite asain, Christine, will keep us cracking up. Oh, and if any of you wonder if the people in the nail salon are talking about you when they start talking in another language, yes, the are indeed. Christine tells us who and what the other workers are talking about. Ah, good time in the nail shop, and oh how I love those massaging chairs, they are the best. And it will be another night of drinking Saturday, and as always bingo Sunday!!

My own sick mind

Conversation with a coworker today on putting paper in the copy machine:

Coworker: Can this thing take the whole ream?
What I wanted to say: With a little lube anything's possible.....
What I said: No not all of it leave a little out or it'll jam.

Yes, I'm a dork and a perv.

What to do

Mother's day fast approaching, no gift ideas in sight, low on cash =STRESS. Not only I am struggling with being so damn broke this week, due to my own stupidity, and the damn bingo hall taking all my money, I also have no clue what to get my mom for Mother's Day. First of all she is so hard to shop for add to that my lack of imagination and it's not good my friend. I never know what to buy her. I bought her a spa pedicure certificate last year, she never used it. I got her flowers for her birthday which was only last month so can't do that again. I guess I could get her a gift certificate to a restaurant and she and my dad could go out to eat. I don't know. I suck at this crap! Any ideas people? If I were super rich this would be so easy. I could treat her to a day at the spa, we did that once and she liked it, or buy her a new car, or some diamond earrings. But since I'm super poor I need to learn to be more creative. And I'm willing to cheat and use someone else's idea and take all the credit for it myself just incase someone wants to throw some ideas my way.....:-) I did make her a scrap book one year for Christmas and I thought that was a pretty clever idea so maybe I'm not THAT clueless but now I am at a loss. I have pretty much exhausted the "Things Remembered" gifts, I got her an engraved picture frame, and an engraved photo album last Mother's Day. See this gets harder every year, cuz you run out of stuff to do.....Damn it!