I don't wanna grow up......

I'm not sure what is going on lately but I am feeling "weird". I don't really have any other word for it. I have been very emotional lately. Not really depressed, just a little sad. I don't feel like I am going the right direction in life right now. I moved home with my parents supossedly for a few months until I saved up for a new apartment. Which I have found is harder than I thought it would be. Even though I am not paying rent or utilities, I still have my other bills and it has been hard to save. Now, I am rather bad at saving money, but I thought I could save SOME. So I have been there 2 months, and guess how much I have saved $150! Yep that is it. I don't make that much money but still. Which brings me to my second point. I don't make much money! I'm a secretary, I'm 26 and still do not have a career. I can't even make a decision on what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have started to register for college a few times, but always talk myself out of it, reasons like I already work full time, who would watch my 6 year old, and so many more. Instead of just doing it, and letting things work themselves out or worring about it when the time comes, I talk myself out of it all together. But I have to do something. I can not stand my job, and it barely supports me and my son. I thought of nursing, they are always needed, it's a job where you see new things everyday, and help people. All things I would love. BUT, I keep second guessing myself on if I could do it. I know I could do it, the only thing that worries me is my weak stomach. I don't want to be working on a patient and they start to bleed, and BAM, I hit the floor. Then I tell myself, you will get use to it, I'm sure everyone is a little queesy at first. Yet, I still have not registered. I have wanted to be a nurse since as long as I can remember, medicine has always interested me, yet I have just been slacking. I have been thinking about this so much lately, and I think I have finally decided to just make myself start taking classes this fall. Just the pre-reqs and I can go part time. It would be at least a year before I could apply to get into the nursing program anyway. I just have to make myself do it. I think about struggling to make ends meet but we struggle now and at least I would be doing something to help the situation instead of just living paycheck to paycheck hoping we have enough money for what we need this week. And with a 6 year old who grows out of clothes and shoes every other week, it seems, we need alot. Ok, so I have sat here and had this nice little conversation with myself and I feel a little better now. The last thing I have been thinking about is finding a husband! This is the biggest challange. Finding someone who is not only good enough for me but good enough for my son, and willing to be a step-dad. And since my son's father is not in his life, this is very important to me. I haven't done so well thus far. And wonder if such a man exists, or if I'm just looking past canidates b/c they don't fit the catagory I usually go for. I don't know. It seems I have so much to worry about I don't have time to find love too. Maybe someday. Who knows. Right now I just need to focus on school. Hey maybe I can find me a man at school. At least he would be in school so I'd know he was doing something with his life......I guess we'll see.....

Crystal