What have I done.....

When I first started this blog it was supossed to be somewhere I could get my feelings out and tell all my deep dark secrets......but I screwed that up by telling everyone I knew about this damn thing......I'm an such an over-zealous son of a bitch.....anywho. I have been thinking of making up a new one. But I don't really feel like going thru all that again and then I like my pictures and stuff on here. So I was thinking well maybe people I know have stopped reading my blog, if they haven't they sure as hell don't leave me any comments so they should stop reading if they have not! I don't really have any juicy secrets right now, well maybe just one.....Anyway. And really I tell just about anyone anything I want to anyway so maybe I'm just full of shit.

Well now onto something else. I have been talking to the guy I met at the gas station for almost 2 months now! Wow, that is a record. I usually don't stay into a guy for very long. They ALWAYS do something that makes me not like them anymore. Probably the reason I am single most of the time. See there is a catch with this guy though....ok, ready, he has a girlfriend, whom he happens to live with. They have been together for about 8 years. Not married but living together. I found this out right after meeting him, he said their relationship was on the rocks and they were planning on splitting soon. So I didn't really mind, since I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship and just wanted to date and have fun. Well that is what we have been doing. We go out, laugh, joke around, and do lots of things. My son hangs out with us sometimes and he is a pretty nice guy. But now, I'm feeling like this is just wasting my time. Although it wasn't supossed to be serious he is a jealous muther f'er! He doesn't think I should date or talk to anyone else.....I think I should. Although I haven't, I don't know why. I don't think he really plans on splitting up with the girl he is with. I also don't think I want him to. I KNOW if he were to leave her and we were to be together exclusively, within a month I would be breaking up with him. I think it's the thrill of trying to "catch" em! Then as soon I as I know they are caught, I don't want them anymore. I am seriously deranged, I know. So I keep telling myself, stop seeing him, it's not right, it's not fair to anyone involved...blah, blah, blah....but I can't stop. I am crazy! I think most of it is he is so nice and he is always giving me things, buying me things, giving me money. Which kind of makes me a gold digger. Plus he is alot older than me, I'm 26 he is 43. So not only am I a gold digger, I have a sugar daddy!! Not really but still. I don't know, I'm such a fool. I think I may still see him just not as much as we have been seeing each other. I need to find a real man, who wants a real relationship, if such one exists. I do want to have my 2nd and final child by time I am 30, and that is fast approaching.....I will be 27 in January so that only leaves me a year to meet someone, a year to fall in love, get married and get pregnant and then 9 months to "grow" the baby!! I'm on a schedule here......the clock is ticking!!! My son is already 6 years old, he will be 10 by time he gets a little brother or sister and then he probably won't even want one anymore....